Family Counselling

One of the many reasons family is valued in our culture is that family can give people identity and purpose. Parents work hard and provide for their children. Children learn, grow, and help as they are able. Each person contributes. Each person receives. Throughout the process, happiness, connection, and legacy are grown.

But family life is never perfectly balanced. The family is a system, so each person affects other people in the family. Sometimes, the effect is beneficial. Sometimes it is not. When the family is off-kilter, it is often helpful to have outside help to find equilibrium.

Family Life Psychology & Wellness offers family therapy because we understand that being a family is not always easy. Every family faces challenges, and every family needs help. Family therapy through Family Life Psychology & Wellness may be the help your family needs to regain its balance.

What Is Family Conflict?

A family is made up of many unique individuals, each with a range of thoughts and opinions on almost every subject and situation. Add to the mix extended family with their countless beliefs and personal opinions and there is no wonder disagreements ensure from time to time. Conflict is simply the natural and healthy progression of any relationship. Most psychologists will tell you that a certain amount of family conflict is healthy, far better than a situation with no conflict at all (which is also indicative of a problem in itself).

Yet unfortunately, it doesn’t always end there. According to Dr. Leonard Felder, author of When Difficult Relatives Happen to Good People, 70 percent of us have a frustrating or difficult relative lurking somewhere in our family tree. Whether that relative is an immediate family member like a rebellious child or they are a relative by marriage, like a controlling in-law or demanding step-parent, the impact on the entire family can be extremely stressful and at times, quite destructive. In some families, there is no single person , but just a seemingly “bad mix” of personalities that cannot get along.

Why Does my Family Fight All the Time?

Whenever you put two people with distinct personalities and ideas into the same room, at some point opposing thoughts are inevitable. If presented in a non-threatening manner, these different viewpoints can actually help us to learn about each other and grow as individuals. This is the natural progression of any relationship. The problem generally arises when we get caught in our egos. From this point on, rational thinking goes out the window and conflicts become winner-takes-all battles in which everybody loses.

No matter the issue, the underlying reason for most disagreements is the fear of losing control of someone or something. As such, the issue at hand is never really what we are arguing about. Teenagers regularly use everyday situations as potential battlefields to assert their newfound independence. As parents, we watch in horror wondering where are cute five-year-old went, panicking at the mere thought of losing control over them. They, despite their bravado demeanors, are also afraid of losing control. The result? Battle lines are quickly drawn and persistent conflicts result.

As of May 2005, the divorce rate for marriages to survive 30 years was 38 percent according to the United States Census Bureau. Canada has nearly the same rate at 37.6. Not surprisingly, unresolved family conflict is the leading cause of separation and divorce in today’s win-or-lose society. Unfortunately, as we ultimately learn after the fact, there are no winners because somewhere down the line someone ultimately suffers the repercussions.